Kalyug Ki Sitazzzzz....!!!

Whacky mind of mine when jobless at home was wondering and lost in thoughts and then popped an ad on the idiot box with pomp announcing a new mythological show with great effects trying to match up the current trend on TV.

This made me wonder Pahhhhh…!!! So much melodrama and purity in thoughts by these mythic characters. Due respects if this was for real then. But my mind wont think so easy and straight..i was like…what if Ramayan was to be experienced in real in this generation, how would it have been? So now penning down my thoughts if the modern girl today was a Sita how would the scene have been. Here I go:

Sita sending a mail to her mom from her iPhone5:

Hey Mom,

Wassup!

Din't  see you online on watsapp hence this email…I know I know you msut have gone to beauty parlour for your facial..!! I am so J of you and now I am kicking myself for being so goody-goody gal and cursing myself as to which mad dog bit me that I lost my senses and agreed to trek for this 14 year long adventure.  I should have stayed back and gotten fat.  But no! I had to act like one those dumb belles in the saas-bahu serials that you have the luxury to watch and follow my husband to the forest like a loyal puppy.  What was I thinking!  Sigh… Life was so much cooler at the Palace – all those maids, the soft bed, the scented massage, the gorgeous Jacuzzi…I miss it so bad.  And guess what! I am even missing my many many mother in laws too. Yep, the same old hags I took such pains to avoid.   And it wasn’t that tough you know.  They mostly stuck to their rooms and all they did was play cards, apply make up and watch TV. They would have hardly had time to notice me and my co-sisters. That way Urmi is very smart, she very diplomatically avoided joining Lakzz for this trek. But cant blame her entirely, it s me who is stupid and its also Paa-in-law’s fault.  He and his fetish for collecting wives!   Which dork sends his heir to the jungles just because he made a promise to his sexy young wife?  Promises are meant to be broken right? And if everything else fails you can always feign memory loss.  But no! You have to act all upright and send us packing to hell. Geezzzz! I am so maaaad at him! 

I wish I hadn’t fallen in love with Ram at first sight.  This is what happens when you read too many Mills & Boons.  It’s all your fault, you and your hugest collection of those trashy sweet pills which are nothing but a pack of lies!  In reality the strong silent types are crashing bores who prefer laptops to their wives!  Gosh! Maa he’s such a video game junkie.  All he does he play Angry Birds and pump iron.  I admit that it was his six packs that I actually fell for and he kinda looked cute with his long hair in a bun.  And yeah!  The way he stringed Paa’s ancient bow was kinda hot.  But a woman needs to talk and feel special.  And does he do that?  No sire.  All he does is criticize and sulk when I snap back. To think I sacrificed the admiration of my hundred admirers to face the criticism of one idiot.  

I was such a fool to think that life in the forest will be like one of those boot camps we attended in school.  And that the raw diet would do wonders for my skin and size zero dreams!   I am soo sick of my vegan diet.  If they make me eat another banana, I swear I’ll puke. And that bro-in-law of mine Lakzz-man, he kinda freaks me out – acting like my bodyguard, flexing his muscles and giving me that “I’m watching you girl” look!  Yeah! Right!  Get a life dude.  Ram and I could have had a second honeymoon, but for you and your annoying habit of following us like a shadow!   That stupid hut doesn’t even have enough rooms and I keep crashing into that jerk all the time.  And does he eat!  All I do is cook all the time. Nobody even has the decency to ask if I need help.  

 Men I tell you.  

I haven’t told you this, have I..???  A woman, Surpanakha had been stalking Ram.  I understand my man is quite a chick magnet until he opens his mouth. So, she was bombarding him with texts and acting all cheap and desperate. But I know my man, he played cool and disinterested even though she was kinda pretty. I know coz I checked her albums on FB.  What an amazing wardrobe that woman has and look at me, a walking fashion disaster in my one piece saffron wrap!   It’s been so long since I shopped at Louis Vuitton. Sigh….!!!

Anways you know na, Lakzz always had anger management issues.  One day when Surpanakha was trying to get all hot and heavy with Ram, that joker took out his Swiss knife and chopped her nose off!  Of course she got mad, with plastic surgery so expensive and the poor girl doesn’t even have a medical insurance that covers her nose. I guess shit happens all the time. I wonder if she’s planning to sue us.

And now even I have managed my very own personal stalkers, not one but two of them. They are dark and one of them is a lil weird.  Remember Abhishekh Bacchan in that ridiculous movie Ravan? One of them kinda looks like him.   I am not too sure whether I should tell Ram.  As such he’s so stressed about that Surpanakha episode. 

Wait!  I just spotted a deer outside of my window.  Hey! It’s golden in colour.  Shit! Where is that damn camera of mine.  I better click some awesome pics and upload it on FB so that all my loser friends know what a good time I am having. Momma darling, I gotta run, will call you tonight.

Mwaah

Your Sweets Sitzzzz..!!