Good To Feel Lost...??

Who am I? That’s a simple question. Yet one without a simple answer. I am so many things. And yet, I could be just one thing. I’m not an inanimate thing that’s silent and motionless like a rock or a mountain or an Indian prime minister. That’s for sure. I was once told that I was filled with life. That I’m a living, breathing thing which can throw rocks, climb mountains and joke about Indian prime ministers. And yet, I’m much more.


 I’m a woman. I’m a former baby, a future corpse and an even distant pile of dust and nothingness. I’m a Cancerian. I’m a Daughter, Sister, friend , Colleague and more. In school, I was a “topper”. In college, I was “Roll No 122” at the Exam Halls.

At times, I simply am. At other times, I’m about ideas, concepts, theories, logic, thoughts, feelings and emotions. Sometimes I’m all of these at once, unless I’m watching a Bollywood movie when I turn my back on logic and thoughts.

 I’m told that I am what I eat. I try and remember that when I bite my nails and lips.

Some call me human. Some call me buddy. I’ve been called “Hey You”, “Get Out of the Way” and “Watch Out”. A few others have called me “Excuse Me” in an annoyed tone of voice, because sometimes I get in the way. I’m sorry for getting in the way. I can’t read minds. And I’m getting out of your way as fast I can.

 I’m the silent majority. I’m the loud minority. I’m a friend. I’m a foe. I’m sorry about being a foe. I really don’t like being a foe.

I’m not my own worst critic. There are others who’ve done a fine job of it. I’m not my best friend. There are others who’ve done a fine job of it. I’m everything and I’m nothing. I’m neither here nor there. Yet, I’m the one who’s on the top row. First one from the left. In my first grade class photo.

 I’m not the elements. I’m neither earth nor water nor fire. Nor the wind or the ether. I’m not the body or the mind or the senses. Nor any of them put together. I’m above time, cause, effect and reason.

 I am what I am. I am pure consciousness. I am the blissful spirit that alone exists in eternity, when all else is consumed by time. That indeed I am. I am the soul. I’m aware that you don’t know me well. I shouldn’t have said any of this. I think I’ll just get out of your way. We carry within us the wonders we seek without us...!!!There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful for me than the risk it took to blossom...!!