Aiyooo Spare Me d Black & Ello Horror...pleaajjjjj

It was 12.30 last night and I couldn't sleep. Came to bed at 11 had been tossing and turning since then, eyes were burning, there was an headache, felt feverish, popped some pills and yet I couldn’t sleep. The bloody mind just won’t stop thinking. I have not been able to understand Bangalore’s weather yet. I am basically a hot person (pun intended), used to taking hot showers. I got lost in ma thoughts and concluded however/watever I just love the weather and simple life in Bangalore. The only thing that I don’t like about Bangalore so far are the autowalas....hmmm this enthused me and I am like hey Pooh good topic for u to write a new blog ;)

Yeah so today I am gonna vomit ma thoughts on these usually common people on the road who drive a ‘green’, 'black' and ‘ello’ vehicle called an Auto Rickshaw. Oyeeeeeeeeee before I start..if you have any problem with ma views or thoughts...please dont u dare point ur finger against me...even if u did..U'd only get a middle finger salute from me..strictly I dont want u guys to support the Bangalore autowallas....hmmm..m sure now U r excited wats in store next....goooooooooo read...as if u wud hav stopped if I told U dont dare to!! ;)

Ma experience with these annoying species spans across three cities. Delhi, Bangalore and Mumbai. Well let me try categorising my experiences with them in series:

Dilli Ke Nawaab:
Features: Thugs, Aggressive, Supressive, Oglers, Pakau...well can keep writing as many negative adjectives for these species.
Wats Not in Their Dictionary: Following Traffic rules, Who d hell is Traffic Policewala, Meter...aji woh kya hota hai??, Courtesy: Sharam bech di hai bhai humne toh!! Fear: Jo darr gaya samjho woh mar gaya!!
My Personal Experience: 10 mins already on the road close to Mayur Vihar....see one Delhi ka Nawaab in Green flyin by....
Pooh: Bhaiyyyyaaaaaaaaa....
Nawab1: Spits his paan out....eekkkksss...boliye Madam (Ogling ma legs rather than talkin to me)..
Pooh: Airport Jaana hai
Nawab: Nahi nods his silliest n disappears ...
Pooh: Bloody @#$#%$
Another 5 mins wait down d road...some respite to ma eyes seein another auto...
Pooh: Autoooooooooo...
Nawab2: Kahan chalna hai..wid a smirk on his face..n weird spark in his eyes all set to rape me virtually..
Pooh: Damn...kahin nahi...n jus shun him

Almost in tears now...still waiting...2 autos comin together my way..
Pooh: Autoooo...Bhaiyaaaaaji..
Both Stop..
I go to Nawab3: Bhaiya Airport jaana hai...Okie then the other nawab who stopped goes away :(
Nawab: Jee baithiye
Pooh: All smiles...jus loadin her baggage
Nawab: Madamji Meter nahi chalta..
Pooh: All frustrated wid annoyance in tone - Arey bhai pehle batana tha...time kyun waste kiya mera
Nawab: Arey madam aap batao kitna dogi
Pooh: Eh?? Matlab??
Nawab: Thik hai bas 200 de dena..
Pooh: Aapka dimaag kharab hai?? 200 rupai!!!!! jyada nahi bata rahe hai aap???..hum yahan ke nahi hai toh kya humko loot loge???
Nawab: Accha 180 dena hai to bola...time hamara bhi kharab mat karo (Gettin aggressive)
Pooh: Lookin around not to see a single auto n time tickin fast for me to reach airport..thik hai chalo.. :(
My woes dont end here..Nawab: “Madam utro”.
Pooh: “Yahan nahi thoda aage utarna hai”. “Wahan se koi mod nahi hai vapas aane ka. aap yahi utro”
I succumb. Damn IT!!

Bengaluru Ke Kroor Singh:
Features: Attitude of a Billionaire, Ugly Looking, moustached,no nonsense aristocratic breed, Cheats, thinks he passer by is a fool, a lesser mortal, who was unable to purchase a vehicle
Wats not in their dictionary: Interest - neva interested in going anywhere, Change - arey bhai chutta (Money), Manners, Energy, Avoiding speaking on their fancy mobiles while on the wheels, Good Language and this list can neva stop for me.....
My Personal Experience which is more often as I am put up here: Walk up to the auto stand..ask a couple of them out of 5-6 Kroor Singhs
Pooh: Sanjaynagar??
Almost all deny..One comes n says: 40 Rs extraaaaaa!!
Pooh: Grrr..nahi jaana
I walk a further down d road n wait 20 mins down...see another Kroor Singh tortoising
Pooh: Autooooo
Kroor singh: Stops n gives a very lethargic look smokin his bidi ...
Pooh: Sanjaynagar??
Kroor Singh: Madam meter se 60 rupij zyada dene ka!
Pooh: Arey Kyu bhaiya..nahi jaana!! x-(
Pooh bugged with these Kroor buggers calls up some frnz n checks with them if they r around to drop her home....this is it!!
And if luckily you get to plight an auto to ur destination then now..seriously..sometimes it feels they are some kind of long drive…and u might have to ask them..bhaiya jahan jaa rahe ho vahin chod do…shayad vahan se koi humare destination tak chodne vaala mil jaaye...lol....damn these buggers at times are so rude they wont even respond to you...Also...I have now realised it completely depends upon theories of probability whether I’d get an auto or not. There’s no other logic. I just keep hitting on each one of them.;) Wish me luck folks...arrgghhh WTF!!

Actually one day I was having a discussion with a localite friend of mine and came to know..that these B’lore autowalas are basically people with land in nearby villages…so their primary source of income lies there…hence this unprofessionalism…of gundagardi n loot paat...sigh!!! Arey bhai mereko bhi ek chota sa plot dila hi do ab toh ;)

Mumbai Ke Mastaney:
Wow..m already all smiles. Ahaannnn Mastane for Mumbai eh!! Trust me I am not being baised I am also a Mumbaikar..its a true experience. U'll vouch for it once u r in Mumbai :)
Features: Mastane, Sincere, Lively, Open to talking nice, Honest, Wonderful, Dignity of labor, Give you exact change. "They are the only hope in this black and ello world"
Wats not in their dictionary: Saying NO, Ignoring, Frowned face
My all the time personal experience:
Pooh: Bhaiya Andheri Saki Naka
Mastaney: Baithiye madam
Pooh: steps in
Mastaney: Madam Highwaywala rasta le loon..wahan se traffic kam padega aap jaldi pohchengi..ya aap kahe to SV Road se hi..
Pooh: smiles..kaunsa nazadik padega
Mastaney: Highway wala madamji
Pooh: Thik hai..wahi se lelo
Then goes Meter down down down down down da down...n vrooooommmmmmm wid radio city playin awesome hindi tracks ;)

One experience for sure that I'd luv to sure during my last visit to Mumbai..ma bro was down wid malaria and had to go to airport in Auto..He was a young folk...zooming his mercedes maniacally could have tried beating Schumacher too ;) and to my surprise playing the song TEMPERATURE. Its awesome.. I wazzz shocked and I asked him Aap aise gaane sunte ho aapko pasand hai kya?...he said "Mereko bhi HIp HOp pasand hai...Only thng I cud do is "SMILE" :) and trust me folks he made me reach SantaCruz airport from Goregaon West in jus 20 mins!! The meter read Rs 78 (The same distance In B’lore wud hav costed me Rs 250)..Yeah I gave him 20 rupees extra coz he wooed me wid his sweetness and got me to airport in single piece wid an awesome music and most importantly avoided all the potholes on Mumbai Highway :) Missin dat chweet guy now :) So for me it is MUMBAI....Jiyo Mumbai Ke Mastano!! You guys ROCKKKKKK!!
Anyways...In Namma Bengaluru..a lot of people are victims to Autowallahs’ criminal acts… n for savin ma already burnt pocket and the already over stressed and frustrated me from their pawning talks.. I am planning to buy a car.. SOON...

PS MSG FOR B'lore autowallas: Oye Muchadd autowalo tumko toh main dekh lungi..meri gaadi toh aane do saalo!! Tab tak lemme salpa adjust maadi ;)