Another moral story from a Spider...

Finally a "CONSCIOUS KILLER" - tag by ma name!!

Yes...I killed a spider today..damn me!!

How could I do dis to such a tiny creature who was happily climbing the wall with its thin and almost invisible legs towards my towel in the bathroom? And d silly me who has d biggest fear of dis small creature....who must have not even noticed me walkin in and me pottering around readying for my bath. The tincy wincy spider was kind of hurrying along on its mission...whatever it was!! Maybe they too have stuff like household chores of cleaning their webs or any other such schedules like we humans. Or maybe it was tired of hatchin eggs in its web n jus came out for a swift brisk walk on my bathroom wall spreading its 8 legged thin legs...u never know...atleast not me as I dunno how it feels to be a spider....errrrrrr guess its yuckkky....dats what my imagination says to me as I pen down this...

I hate spiders and I am mortally terrified of the..thanks to the fact that they are so common in every household...wen they pop out from their secret chambers during Diwali ki safai ;). When me and Mum were on the cleaning spree of the entire house (which usually happened twice a year) I have witnessed various species of the spider world....like some were the size of saucers who sat spread eagled staring malevolently at me and mum from our walls.

I had tamed my fears to an extent makin me believe that my phobia wasnt justified and like cockroaches, houseflies, ants, lizards, pigeons...city spiders too had a role to play in keepin houses clean ;) As long as they did not crawl in our living space...so had admitted to the fact of - LIVE N LET LIVE policy :) Which is y now my action is disturbing me...ya ya coming to the actual point...

:(

As I saw d Tincy Wincy spider walkin swiftly towards my towel on the wall...as a matter of reflex action of my fear I reached out and threw a mug of water on it...poor he ....he helplessly flowed off the wall all thanks to me...with the splurge of Tsunami from my mug that hit it. As i saw it slipping from the wall..it lay helpless and disarrayed of its limbs in a mess on the floor and a twinge of early remorse hit me :(

But I wasn't feeling strong enough to motivate myself to move d lil being to a safer zone where there was no water. And I knw you will curse me more as to what I did next.....I instead tried to sweep it to a corner with another wave of water...but this time the force wasn't like tsunami. I was sure the spider was now used to me splashing water on it and it would in rage of revenge would soon get up, shake its legs out and walk gingerly away or maybe attack me dis time...

But the tiny creature was kind to me it quietly rode the wave and silently and safely went out of sight...but only when water ebbed away into the drain tunnel....I could now see it no more....sigh!! :( I was now even with stronger remorse thinkin had it been swept into the drain????? I immediately closed the tap so water would stop enterin the drain and the spider would find a dry place to cling onto and get itself squeezed out.

After a silent remorseful interval of few minutes I had my shower havin no time to worry about the results of my impulsive action, but it was on and off the prick of conscience that makes me examine the motive for it.

Silly me..i guess it was just my sense of power that made me do what I did. I could have simply pulled the towel out of spider's way. Now I am feeling so uneasy that I might hav killed a living thing that had no intentions of harming me, only because I had the power to do so.

So many a times I must have stopped my folks, my 2 year old niece, my brothers from crushing an ant or killing the wasp searching for a place to make home in our home.

A big lesson I learn today and now do believe that one must not destroy what one cannot create!! I after an hour went back to the bathroom and looked around to see if there was any intimation of the private life of the Tincy wincy spider on the ceiling of my bathroom, but there was nothin to tell me if the spider had a house there or even a family :(

Now I m jus waiting for the remorse to pass, my conscience to stop pricking me . I did take a life..however insignificant it may seem and I now examine whether I have the moral right to do so...!!!

If at all the spider has lost its life coz of me...I am really sowiee God n I do pray its soul rest in peace! Amen.